Addictive Domination

The journal of a slave who tries to escape yet always comes crawling back.

i thought i could escape You, i thought i could leave the grasp You have on me and move on, move on to serve another. i have failed to serve You losing contact with You, not competing in Your sissy panty contest, and not drinking my own urine when instructed to do so. i cannot hold out anymore, i cannot move on; i am literally addicted to Your control over me, i want you to be my Goddess, i want to serve Your every need, i cannot escape You anymore.

Please Goddess Jenna, my Master, my Owner, please allow me to serve You once again. i will do anything within my limits to please You, i want You to humiliate me, and show me my place as Your servant, i want to amuse You in any way i could.

Please Goddess Jenna, i know i have disobeyed You and disappointed You; i should not be allowed at all in Your stable. Please let me prove my servitude to You. i want to be your slave once again, i want You to control my mind body and soul; please i beg of You with all my might, kneeling on the cold kitchen floor and awaiting Your reply, licking the ground You walk on, serving as anything You desire me to be; I am Yours, and will always be.

Thank You, petria

As my time away for Goddess Jenna I have not been serving anyone else. I tried to find another Goddess as similar to Goddess Jenna, but could not; Goddess Jenna is one in a million, no one could every replace Her. I have also been masturbating, not every day, maybe 2-4 times a week, whenever the pressure builds up. At first I tried to masturbate to ‘big hulky men’ as one of Goddess Jenna’s old wishes, though after time, my main material turned out to be captioned pictures of femdom, chastity, & sissification of the loser male.

The first time when I disappeared from Goddess Jenna’s servitude, I was scared, She had instructed me to drink my own urine, all the time every time; the last time I did so, I got severely sick. The second time I disappeared from Goddess Jenna’s servitude, was because I never had time to talk the panty pictures, my parents were always at home, and I had no alone time; now I do. By the time a chance arrived the contest was over, and I thought I could move on.

Never again will I run away from Goddess Jenna’s servitude. I understand She is the only Goddess I ever want to serve, and no other Goddess could ever replace Her. In the future I hope to please Goddess Jenna in any and every way possible within my limits.

Thank You, petria

Greetings Goddess I hope you are doing well today.

Last night was especially tough; even though it was my first ‘real’ day of denial and not being able to orgasm, for some reason it had already felt like a week. Before going to bed, I updated my profile selecting Goddess Jenna as my top number one friend. In submission I also inserted my butt plug, handcuffed my legs and attached one cuff to the base of my member and balls. Then in a kneeling position while lying down, I attached the other side of the cuff to the chain connecting my feet together. It was hard at first, my legs wanted to stay straight and every time they tried, a pain shot into the base of my member and balls.

Thank You, petria

Goddess Jenna instructed me to hit myself in the balls if the urge to masturbate arises, so tonight I kept a small paddle near me bed. Before going to sleep, I used the paddle only once, and when I awoke the next morning twice. I slept with my feet shacked together, my hands cuffed behind my back, a butt plug inserted, and my posture collar on my neck. It was hard to sleep; the plug and the hands behind my back constantly woke me up. It was uncomfortable, though I must be punished for my disloyalty. Before removing the plug and collar, I prepared breakfast. I poured a plain pouch of tuna fish, into a small bowl and set it on the floor; later I reattached the hands behind my back, and knelt. It was most difficult to eat with my hands restrained, kneeling, and especially wearing the posture collar, though I managed to eat every last drop.

Thank You Goddess Jenna, petria

P.S. should I wear the plug all week or talke it out each morning?

The frustration and arousal I am feeling right now is almost unbearable, I am constantly aroused and always denied. Goddess instructed me to hit my balls every time I get the urge to touch myself, and right now my balls are sore. I was instructed to wear a butt plug and only take it out to use the bathroom, and the feeling of discomfort is always present. Though, I have disobeyed my Goddess and now have to suffer the punishment.

Thank You Goddess Jenna, petria

Evening Goddess Jenna,

This week Goddess has allowed me to stroke myself to the egde every day to make the frustration even worse. I suppose that I will be hitting my balls very much over the next few days due to the constant thought of masturbating. Goddess has not allowed me to remove the butt plug from my daily ritual yet, so I constantly feel the presence of pressure in my bottom and a constant reminder that I serve Goddess Jenna. Although I am allowed to remove the plug when needed to use the toliet, I feel my bottom hole is stretching wider.

Thank You Goddess Jenna, petria

Slave Journal Day 6

Hello Goddess Jenna I hope You had a beautiful day.

The ache in my balls is crazy, I want to relieve myself, but I dare not disobey Goddess Jenna. Even worse I am instructed to stroke myself to the edge of an orgasm every day, but not make boo boo cummies. As lube for my butt plug I use ‘Gillette’ cooling aftershave gel; this gives me a feeling of wet, cool discomfort more than other lubes. Last night I decided to place the gen in my pee pee hole to try to deal with the constant ache in my balls. After a while of not feeling any cooling, I lubed up a q-tip up with the gel and inserted it into my pee pee hole; after about five or so minutes I removed it. Today was hell, ever time I had to make pee pee, it felt like some one shoved a chainsaw down my hole; I hope the pain will subside soon I cannot take much more of this. My bottom is also very sore, since I have to remove the butt plug every time I have to use bathroom.

Please Goddess Jenna, may I please leave the butt plug out for awhile?

Thank You Goddess Jenna, petria

Slave Journal Day 7

Today was frustrating, I constantly have an ache to orgasm, but I dare not disobey Goddess Jenna. I did not take the elevator to classes today, just incase I would slip up and have an erection in front of any of the attractive Women. I also see Women with new eyes, every Woman I have seen today is superior in their own way, and I have a new understanding why loser men should be controlled & dominated.

When I arrived home from classes, I attached shackles to my legs and wrists, and attached them with pairs of handcuffs. Then I locked on my posture collar and attached a leash to some lifting weights. I edged myself for the day, and a smacked my balls when I was close to an orgasm. Unintentionally I hit my right ball right on, and now it throbs in pain. It hurts to sit, stand up from sitting, and every time I feel the pain I remind myself that I am a slave to the beautiful Goddess Jenna. The butt plug is also a pain, I still cannot walk right, and every time I remove it to use the bathroom I leak butt fluids. I do hope that Goddess Jenna will allow me to remove it for awhile, I am always plugged and I always have an uncomfortable feeling of something poking into my bottom.

P.S. I have sent Goddess Jenna’s Valentines Day presents to Her today.

Thank You Goddess Jenna, petria