February 23, 2009 - Monday 6:30 PM
my first entry to my daily journal
Goddess Jenna has instructed me to write a journal everyday on my servitude and struggles. She has instructed me until i find a chastity device that is small enough for me to not masturbate.
Let me start from the beginning. i recently requested to serve Goddess Jenna. my lifelong dream besides becoming a Woman which will never happen, was to serve a beautiful and smart Woman. Goddess Jenna is just that Woman and i thank Her for letting me worship Her when we all know i am useless to any Woman. After She accepted my friend request She instructed to me if i was serious i must only serve Her. That was more than fair and deleted all other Mistress' on my friends list. She also instructed me to only be friends with other sissies and subs. Also i deleted anyone who did not fit that description.
In my profile i stated i was looking for a key holder for a chastity device. When She emailed me She said She would love to hold my keys to have more control over me. i responded to Her explaining i have not bought one because i know without guidence from a Mistress or in this case Goddess that i would not wear it and violate myself daily. So once She told me to get one to end any thoughts of masturbation i had, i did as She instructed. When it arrived in the mail i was so excited. i quickly got home and began to try to put it on. i tried and tried and tried. i was so humiliated. i was just to small to wear the device. i kept falling out. Even erect i did not touch the back of the straight top part of the device. So ashamed and humiliated i wrote to the beautiful Goddess Jenna and explained to Her the problem. She laughed and laughed. She then explained to me to get a Womens chastity belt. i have not yet ordered one and am still looking for a plus size model for the chastity device. But promised and am not lying to not be break Her rules nad have not masturbated since i started serving Her.
She also explained to me that i am not anywhere near the right size to be a man and could never ever be a Woman and all i am good for is paying tribute to Her. She is so so right and i recently bought Her Her first gifts. i will not write them here in case She has not yet reieved the email saying what they are i would hate to ruin Her surprise.
Being unlocked like i am it is very hard not to touch myself. Since the only action i could ever get id from my own hand. my only thing that keeps me off of myself is my promise to Goddess Jenna. Everytime i slide on my saitn panites i feel it slip over my tiny little area. It instantly stiffens not that anyone looking would ever know. i no longer wear mens underwear not that i am instructed not to its just panties are what i feel comfortable in.
So the days are long and "hard" but my promise to Goddess Jenna must be kept.Oh and Goddess Jenna if You read this i have re-shaved my body as You requested.
Thank Yo uall for reading this and hope you all enjoy. The others may not be this long i just wanted to catch everyone up on my assignments.
xoxo Goddess Jennas dickless mallory
Goddess Jenna has instructed me to write a journal everyday on my servitude and struggles. She has instructed me until i find a chastity device that is small enough for me to not masturbate.
Let me start from the beginning. i recently requested to serve Goddess Jenna. my lifelong dream besides becoming a Woman which will never happen, was to serve a beautiful and smart Woman. Goddess Jenna is just that Woman and i thank Her for letting me worship Her when we all know i am useless to any Woman. After She accepted my friend request She instructed to me if i was serious i must only serve Her. That was more than fair and deleted all other Mistress' on my friends list. She also instructed me to only be friends with other sissies and subs. Also i deleted anyone who did not fit that description.
In my profile i stated i was looking for a key holder for a chastity device. When She emailed me She said She would love to hold my keys to have more control over me. i responded to Her explaining i have not bought one because i know without guidence from a Mistress or in this case Goddess that i would not wear it and violate myself daily. So once She told me to get one to end any thoughts of masturbation i had, i did as She instructed. When it arrived in the mail i was so excited. i quickly got home and began to try to put it on. i tried and tried and tried. i was so humiliated. i was just to small to wear the device. i kept falling out. Even erect i did not touch the back of the straight top part of the device. So ashamed and humiliated i wrote to the beautiful Goddess Jenna and explained to Her the problem. She laughed and laughed. She then explained to me to get a Womens chastity belt. i have not yet ordered one and am still looking for a plus size model for the chastity device. But promised and am not lying to not be break Her rules nad have not masturbated since i started serving Her.
She also explained to me that i am not anywhere near the right size to be a man and could never ever be a Woman and all i am good for is paying tribute to Her. She is so so right and i recently bought Her Her first gifts. i will not write them here in case She has not yet reieved the email saying what they are i would hate to ruin Her surprise.
Being unlocked like i am it is very hard not to touch myself. Since the only action i could ever get id from my own hand. my only thing that keeps me off of myself is my promise to Goddess Jenna. Everytime i slide on my saitn panites i feel it slip over my tiny little area. It instantly stiffens not that anyone looking would ever know. i no longer wear mens underwear not that i am instructed not to its just panties are what i feel comfortable in.
So the days are long and "hard" but my promise to Goddess Jenna must be kept.Oh and Goddess Jenna if You read this i have re-shaved my body as You requested.
Thank Yo uall for reading this and hope you all enjoy. The others may not be this long i just wanted to catch everyone up on my assignments.
xoxo Goddess Jennas dickless mallory
February 24, 2009 - Tuesday 5:33 PM
entry 2: caught in my panties
Current mood: embarrassed
This is day two of my journal entries that Goddess Jenna has instructed me to write. Today was not that unusual. There is a story i would like to tell all who reads. After work i stopped at the local store to buy a couple things before going home. i had always had such a crush on the girl behind the counter. Every once in awhile i get the nerve to ask out a girl. i know what the answer will be and maybe thats why i do it. Well today as i go through the line i think to myself why not. She is pretty. As my heart raced as i got closer and closer i was fumbling the things in my hand thinking about what i was going to say. i really am no good at talking to anyone let alone pretty Women. Well as my mind wondered thinking of how the whole thing was going to pan out i dropped one of my items. i was two people back in line, (it was a counter not a checkout line like a grocery store). i bent over to pick up my dropped item and as i could feel the air on my exposed back i realized my shirt and coat had ridden up and was exposing my panties to everyone in line and the couner girl if She was looking. i was wearing my favorite black satin panties with flowers on them and pink lace around the legs ans waist. i shot up quickly and i could feel my temperature rise. i heard giggles from the people standing behind me and knew they were talking about me. The worst thing was the Lade behind me whispered in my ear and said " Dont worry a lot of guys do that". i dont know of any i thought and choked out a thanks. It was my turn to check out and thought i would just wing it asking this girl out. She started to ring up my items and i said hi and she smiled back. Then i asked Her is she would ever like to go out sometime. Her smile turned into a giggle then She started to laugh at me. i whispered and asked Her to please stop and and said i was sorry. She kept laughing and finally worked out a sentence, She said " you wear panties!! There is no way I would every be seen with the town sissy." She laughed and laughed more. Finally i was checked out and ran to my car and rushed home. Normally when something like that happens i usually "release" myself but since i have become the property of Goddess Jenna i am no longer allowed to do that. So as i sit alone in my room typing this and think about my tiny erection that will not ever even by touched by me anymore i start to whimper and wish Goddess Jenna would let me have just one more time.
xoxo Goddess Jennas dickless mallory
Current mood: embarrassed
This is day two of my journal entries that Goddess Jenna has instructed me to write. Today was not that unusual. There is a story i would like to tell all who reads. After work i stopped at the local store to buy a couple things before going home. i had always had such a crush on the girl behind the counter. Every once in awhile i get the nerve to ask out a girl. i know what the answer will be and maybe thats why i do it. Well today as i go through the line i think to myself why not. She is pretty. As my heart raced as i got closer and closer i was fumbling the things in my hand thinking about what i was going to say. i really am no good at talking to anyone let alone pretty Women. Well as my mind wondered thinking of how the whole thing was going to pan out i dropped one of my items. i was two people back in line, (it was a counter not a checkout line like a grocery store). i bent over to pick up my dropped item and as i could feel the air on my exposed back i realized my shirt and coat had ridden up and was exposing my panties to everyone in line and the couner girl if She was looking. i was wearing my favorite black satin panties with flowers on them and pink lace around the legs ans waist. i shot up quickly and i could feel my temperature rise. i heard giggles from the people standing behind me and knew they were talking about me. The worst thing was the Lade behind me whispered in my ear and said " Dont worry a lot of guys do that". i dont know of any i thought and choked out a thanks. It was my turn to check out and thought i would just wing it asking this girl out. She started to ring up my items and i said hi and she smiled back. Then i asked Her is she would ever like to go out sometime. Her smile turned into a giggle then She started to laugh at me. i whispered and asked Her to please stop and and said i was sorry. She kept laughing and finally worked out a sentence, She said " you wear panties!! There is no way I would every be seen with the town sissy." She laughed and laughed more. Finally i was checked out and ran to my car and rushed home. Normally when something like that happens i usually "release" myself but since i have become the property of Goddess Jenna i am no longer allowed to do that. So as i sit alone in my room typing this and think about my tiny erection that will not ever even by touched by me anymore i start to whimper and wish Goddess Jenna would let me have just one more time.
xoxo Goddess Jennas dickless mallory
February 25, 2009 - Wednesday
entry 3
Current mood: aroused
Today i woke up with my little erection poking at my panties. Knowing it has been a long time since i have last pleased myself i began to think of how good it will feel to just rub myself through my panties and feel the flow all over as my mind wandered i became more and more excited. But was quickly snapped back to reality when i remembered who i belonged to. Goddess Jenna instructed me to never masturbate and i must never break that promise. She was right i do need to be locked up. i hope i can continue to keep my promise. a sissy like me has never gone this long without masturbating before. But as Goddess Jenna instructed every night before bed i ice down my area and i have found myself doing that when i get excited. So down to the kitchen i went and grabbed an ice cube. i placed it up against my area and waited for the numb cold pain to take over. In my mind i thanked Goddess Jenna for having such a control over my life because i knew if She had not said that to me i would have made a mess all in my panties a few minutes earlier. The day went slow and all i could think about was my tiny erection in my panties. All day with no ice. The day dragged on and on. Not that i had anything to look forward to. No release only pain and suffering for the rest of my pathetic life.
On a good note Goddess Jenna has let me drop my mallory name from my profile. i had asked Her stating i was neither a man because of my size and i could never ever be a Woman for such obvious reasons. so i am now Goddess Jennas dickless pet. Unless She decides to change it. Thank You Goddess Jenna.
xoxo Goddess Jennas dickless pet
Current mood: aroused
Today i woke up with my little erection poking at my panties. Knowing it has been a long time since i have last pleased myself i began to think of how good it will feel to just rub myself through my panties and feel the flow all over as my mind wandered i became more and more excited. But was quickly snapped back to reality when i remembered who i belonged to. Goddess Jenna instructed me to never masturbate and i must never break that promise. She was right i do need to be locked up. i hope i can continue to keep my promise. a sissy like me has never gone this long without masturbating before. But as Goddess Jenna instructed every night before bed i ice down my area and i have found myself doing that when i get excited. So down to the kitchen i went and grabbed an ice cube. i placed it up against my area and waited for the numb cold pain to take over. In my mind i thanked Goddess Jenna for having such a control over my life because i knew if She had not said that to me i would have made a mess all in my panties a few minutes earlier. The day went slow and all i could think about was my tiny erection in my panties. All day with no ice. The day dragged on and on. Not that i had anything to look forward to. No release only pain and suffering for the rest of my pathetic life.
On a good note Goddess Jenna has let me drop my mallory name from my profile. i had asked Her stating i was neither a man because of my size and i could never ever be a Woman for such obvious reasons. so i am now Goddess Jennas dickless pet. Unless She decides to change it. Thank You Goddess Jenna.
xoxo Goddess Jennas dickless pet
February 26, 2009 - Thursday
#4 days seem longer since i cant pleasure myself
Current mood: frustrated
i almost forgot to write my journal entry today. So as i sit here in my bed in my nightgown i will write my day for all to read. It is getting very complicated to go through the day without pleasuring myself. i never knew what a sissy loser i actually was until i realized that masturbation was the only thing that kept my head straight. i have noticed how attractive Women really are. All Women are so sexy and beautiful. So i must thank Goddess Jenna for showing me the true beauty of all Women. men really do only think with their smaller pathetic heads. or in my case almost non existing head. Last night it was almost impossible to get to sleep. i was tossing and turning as my sating night gown rubbed against my hairless private area making me more and more aroused. i expect the same tonight as Goddess Jenna had now instructed me to only wear panties which i have been doing but now i have no choice. i must thank Her for allowing me to wear such pretty panties but at the same time it makes me aroused to wear them. Well i must get ready to try to sleep through my frustrating erections. i may need to keep a bucket of ice next to my bed. Until tomorrow Thank You Goddess Jenna for allowing me to serve You and thank You everyone for reading my journals.
xoxo Goddess Jennas dickless pet
Current mood: frustrated
i almost forgot to write my journal entry today. So as i sit here in my bed in my nightgown i will write my day for all to read. It is getting very complicated to go through the day without pleasuring myself. i never knew what a sissy loser i actually was until i realized that masturbation was the only thing that kept my head straight. i have noticed how attractive Women really are. All Women are so sexy and beautiful. So i must thank Goddess Jenna for showing me the true beauty of all Women. men really do only think with their smaller pathetic heads. or in my case almost non existing head. Last night it was almost impossible to get to sleep. i was tossing and turning as my sating night gown rubbed against my hairless private area making me more and more aroused. i expect the same tonight as Goddess Jenna had now instructed me to only wear panties which i have been doing but now i have no choice. i must thank Her for allowing me to wear such pretty panties but at the same time it makes me aroused to wear them. Well i must get ready to try to sleep through my frustrating erections. i may need to keep a bucket of ice next to my bed. Until tomorrow Thank You Goddess Jenna for allowing me to serve You and thank You everyone for reading my journals.
xoxo Goddess Jennas dickless pet
February 27, 2009 - Friday 11:37 PM
journal entry #5
Current mood: sad
Today was much like the other days. Walking around all day with my erection waiting to be released but i know i am unable to pleasure myself. Goddess Jenna explained i would only be punished if i masturbated and i would like to make Her happy. She has informed me i was being a dirty sissy slut for flirting with other sissies. my punishment was to hit myself in my tiny clitty 30 times with a hairbrush and everytime i hit myself i was to count and say out loud "i will not be a dirty slut." After i completed my punishment i slid my panties back up and started to whimper. i had made Goddess Jenna angry and that made me sad. The only good thing is i no longer have an urge to masturbate. At least not tonight. There is to much pain to worry about that, but Goddess Jennas punishment was more than fair and i deserve it. Thank You Goddess Jenna for putting me in my place. Now it is time for this sissy and her tear stained cheeks to go to bed. Thank you all for reading and Thank You Goddess Jenna for allowing me to serve You.
xoxo Goddess Jennas dickless pet
Current mood: sad
Today was much like the other days. Walking around all day with my erection waiting to be released but i know i am unable to pleasure myself. Goddess Jenna explained i would only be punished if i masturbated and i would like to make Her happy. She has informed me i was being a dirty sissy slut for flirting with other sissies. my punishment was to hit myself in my tiny clitty 30 times with a hairbrush and everytime i hit myself i was to count and say out loud "i will not be a dirty slut." After i completed my punishment i slid my panties back up and started to whimper. i had made Goddess Jenna angry and that made me sad. The only good thing is i no longer have an urge to masturbate. At least not tonight. There is to much pain to worry about that, but Goddess Jennas punishment was more than fair and i deserve it. Thank You Goddess Jenna for putting me in my place. Now it is time for this sissy and her tear stained cheeks to go to bed. Thank you all for reading and Thank You Goddess Jenna for allowing me to serve You.
xoxo Goddess Jennas dickless pet
February 28, 2009 - Saturday
journal entry #6
Current mood: excited
Today was not bad when i woke up i was still a little sore from my punishment last night for being such a dirty slut and flirtinig without Goddess Jennas permission. i was not as aroused today because of that. So Thank You Goddess Jenna for making today a little sore but easier to get by. Also good news!!!!! i found a site that makes custom chastity belts. the lock in like none i have seen before on chastity devices so it will be impossible to get out without the key which Goddess Jenna will be holding. i am waiting to hear back from a question i asked but hopefully all will go well and i will no longer have to worry if i get the urge to masturbate. Oh i cant wait i hate this thing between my legs it is so useless and only brings trouble to me. Goddess Jenna is away for the weekend so i must be on my best behaviour i would hate for Her to get back and have more bad news about me. i have also started an exercise program Goddess Jenna has set up for me. i am very excited to have Her mold me into a perfect beautiful pet. Wish me luck everyone and have a great night.
~Goddess Jennas dickless pet~
Current mood: excited
Today was not bad when i woke up i was still a little sore from my punishment last night for being such a dirty slut and flirtinig without Goddess Jennas permission. i was not as aroused today because of that. So Thank You Goddess Jenna for making today a little sore but easier to get by. Also good news!!!!! i found a site that makes custom chastity belts. the lock in like none i have seen before on chastity devices so it will be impossible to get out without the key which Goddess Jenna will be holding. i am waiting to hear back from a question i asked but hopefully all will go well and i will no longer have to worry if i get the urge to masturbate. Oh i cant wait i hate this thing between my legs it is so useless and only brings trouble to me. Goddess Jenna is away for the weekend so i must be on my best behaviour i would hate for Her to get back and have more bad news about me. i have also started an exercise program Goddess Jenna has set up for me. i am very excited to have Her mold me into a perfect beautiful pet. Wish me luck everyone and have a great night.
~Goddess Jennas dickless pet~
March 2, 2009 - Monday
Bad and Good news
Current mood:submissive
Today is a sad day. i received a response back for the chastity belt. it is not something used for long term. So i will not be able to get it and send Goddess Jenna the key. i would not be able to use the bathroom while wearing it and also would not be able to shower and clean properly. So my search continues. i chose that model because it is designed like a Woman's belt. Since i am just to small to fit into a mans chastity device i needed something like that. i have sent the manufacturer another message asking about reccomended models and gave them my situation and size. Hopefully i will hear good news. On the plus side since i have not been allowed to masturbate for such a long time my desires have been gradually going away. i am mentally understanding that Goddess Jenna has complete control over me, i would still like the chastity belt so She can control everything about me. i feel i am blossoming into the sissy i have always wanted to be. Knowing my male parts are useless and could never be used to please anyone not touching has made my mind finally understand that. i thank You Goddess Jenna for making my life better.
Current mood:submissive
Today is a sad day. i received a response back for the chastity belt. it is not something used for long term. So i will not be able to get it and send Goddess Jenna the key. i would not be able to use the bathroom while wearing it and also would not be able to shower and clean properly. So my search continues. i chose that model because it is designed like a Woman's belt. Since i am just to small to fit into a mans chastity device i needed something like that. i have sent the manufacturer another message asking about reccomended models and gave them my situation and size. Hopefully i will hear good news. On the plus side since i have not been allowed to masturbate for such a long time my desires have been gradually going away. i am mentally understanding that Goddess Jenna has complete control over me, i would still like the chastity belt so She can control everything about me. i feel i am blossoming into the sissy i have always wanted to be. Knowing my male parts are useless and could never be used to please anyone not touching has made my mind finally understand that. i thank You Goddess Jenna for making my life better.
March 3, 2009 - Tuesday 5:43 PM
Journal entry #8
Current mood: blissful
Today was just a normal day. i went through the day happy i am finally feeling like a true submissive. my mind is never on sexual thought unless i am typing about how much of a submissive sissy i am. i wear panties and Womens clothes no longer for sexual enjoyment but because i am a true sissy and my submissive sissy lifestyle requires me to wear these clothes. my final step as i have mentioned before is to lock up my man parts and give complete physical and mental control to Goddess Jenna. Only She knows what is good for me and She is the only one i take orders from. Unless She commands me to listen to other Dominant Women or really anyone She says i must listen to. If She told me to be Her cats slave i would have to follw Her orders. Anyway i am loving the lifestyle i am now living and cant wait for it to be completed. Thank You again Goddess Jenna for helping me turn into such a sissy submissive.
5:43 PM
Current mood: blissful
Today was just a normal day. i went through the day happy i am finally feeling like a true submissive. my mind is never on sexual thought unless i am typing about how much of a submissive sissy i am. i wear panties and Womens clothes no longer for sexual enjoyment but because i am a true sissy and my submissive sissy lifestyle requires me to wear these clothes. my final step as i have mentioned before is to lock up my man parts and give complete physical and mental control to Goddess Jenna. Only She knows what is good for me and She is the only one i take orders from. Unless She commands me to listen to other Dominant Women or really anyone She says i must listen to. If She told me to be Her cats slave i would have to follw Her orders. Anyway i am loving the lifestyle i am now living and cant wait for it to be completed. Thank You again Goddess Jenna for helping me turn into such a sissy submissive.
5:43 PM
March 4, 2009 - Wednesday
journal #9 i have no self control
Current mood: sad
Last night was horrible. i was sleeping and woke up suddenly to find my panties were all messy. i had ejaculated in my sleep. i was so ashamed of myself. For anyone who reads my blogs you will know i have been feeling like i am slipping into the wonderful mindset of a true submissive. my thoughts are no longer sexual but only on how i can please Goddess Jenna. and now i let her down. i had asked Goddess Jenna on what to do for this very situation. So as She commanded i licked my messy panties clean and sent Her a message explaining how i have no self control and how ashamed i was of myself. i can only imagine the punishment She will give me will be severe. i thought the punishment She gave me for flirting was bad i can only imagine this. but i will take the punishment She gives me and thank Her for allowing me to still serve Her. If She still lets me. When i recieve my punishment i will write about what it was how i carried it out and how i felt after. Thank you.
Goddess Jennas dickless pet
Current mood: sad
Last night was horrible. i was sleeping and woke up suddenly to find my panties were all messy. i had ejaculated in my sleep. i was so ashamed of myself. For anyone who reads my blogs you will know i have been feeling like i am slipping into the wonderful mindset of a true submissive. my thoughts are no longer sexual but only on how i can please Goddess Jenna. and now i let her down. i had asked Goddess Jenna on what to do for this very situation. So as She commanded i licked my messy panties clean and sent Her a message explaining how i have no self control and how ashamed i was of myself. i can only imagine the punishment She will give me will be severe. i thought the punishment She gave me for flirting was bad i can only imagine this. but i will take the punishment She gives me and thank Her for allowing me to still serve Her. If She still lets me. When i recieve my punishment i will write about what it was how i carried it out and how i felt after. Thank you.
Goddess Jennas dickless pet
March 4, 2009 - Wednesday 6:29 PM
Current mood:
ashamed